Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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