One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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