my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
