He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
