he wants to bone in the snuggie
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
