Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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