just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
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