I am full of burrito and curiosity
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
