dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
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