i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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