Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
