he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
