I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
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