let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
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