She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
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