matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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