it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Randomize
