this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
