hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
All I want is dick and wine.
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