Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
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