Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
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