Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
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