Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
