If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Two words: blizzard sex
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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