he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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