glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
