Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
