Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
