win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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