just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
