I'm going to rape someone's good day.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Randomize