feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
