not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
