we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Randomize
