I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
