did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
