Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
