You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
I think I died a long time ago.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
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