I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
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