Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
