I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
