Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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