i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
My first STD was from a foam party
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Randomize
