Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
