Pappa wants mamma naked
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
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