My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
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On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
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Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Randomize