Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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