Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
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