I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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