Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
