and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
