everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
