my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
