Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Randomize
