you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Randomize
