Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
