9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
