She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Randomize
