Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
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