Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
