i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Randomize
