Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
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