Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
