im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
We had sex on a dog bed..
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
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