she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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