Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
